Being Human
by Silverwing013
Summary: So when a demon dies, a demon dies. However, when a human dies, a human is reborn into the after life. Humans live forever on as a soul in Spirit World. Demons die. There is no 'Spirit World' for us anymore.


Being Human

Koenma believes that I took refuge in the Human World because my powers were so weak I had no choice. It seems common that most thought my first death as a weak moment. And yet, I came to be a 'human lover' and traitor to my own kind. I say no such thing.

While perhaps it is true I love to be in the presence of humans, it depends completely upon what type of PERSON they are more than if they are human. I do not love all humans. It has to be the right person. Human, demon, god or otherwise.

They all seem to see some sort of weakness at that moment when I first died. I see it as a matter of extending my life.

I very well could have taken over a demon unborn body rather than human. After all, I was not weak enough to not be able to cross the barrier separating the two worlds. Taking over a demon unborn body was in the cards. Just not in the cards I kept or wanted.

Demons may live for a drastically longer life than humans, but humans do not fully die. It is the one thing of many humans have compared to demons. Both die, but demons are not given the second chance that humans are given. So when a demon dies, a demon dies. However, when a human dies, a human is reborn into the after life. Humans live forever on as a soul in Spirit World. Demons die. There is no 'Spirit World' for us anymore. Nether World had perished long ago, so demons die in both body and soul. I prefer life to death, thank you.

And thus, before my demon body fully died to kill my soul and body, I took over the soon to be born Shuichi Minamino. After all, there is no after life for demons. So why should I die when I could live? Even if not body and soul, but at least soul continuing on for eternity.

Some say I am more reckless in my own way, putting my body through all this pain during the Dark Tournament. I wait and plot before acting. However, I do realize I am intentionally allowing scars and bruises to form. It is not like I am planning out my death. I only plan on pain. I don't worry that much about my body as my soul will live on forever now that it is contained in human form.

This probably sounds wrong to some, but this is how I am. I want to die, move on to the after life, but there always is something holding me back.

At first, it was the matter of time holding me back. Time would help my soul be fitted to the human body, so I could live forever in the after life. And time was well used as I spent all my early years as a human working my demonic powers into my human body and soul. Especially fitting them to the soul as it was what I would be keeping for the rest of eternity. And after my early years as a human, ingraining my demonic powers to my human soul, the years kept going on past me as a human.

It was my mother, my human mother, holding me back. Such a careing person and her smile, it was a person I did not wish to leave. But then, those long days at the hospital became more and more... The after life was not meant for her then, not with how her relationship was budding with Kazuya. She deserved to have that happiness. Not to have that happiness torn away from her. She was far too nice for such a thing.

At that one point in time, there was nothing holding me back. I risked it all, without care. However, I did not realize how brash and type of person Yusuke was at the time. He is not the typical Spirit World employee when a demon is a demon. A thing to be captured or killed. And with my track record, I was fully expecting to be killed, especially after telling Yusuke the name I held when actually in a demon body. To move onto the afterlife, knowing Shiori was well and able to continue her happiness with Kazuya with no worries on her health.

Now, because of Yusuke, there is too much holding me back. I so wish to blame him for doing so, but I cannot. In fact, I hold him in higher esteem as the 'leader' of our unofficial Spirit Detective Team. One does not meet many people like Yusuke during a lifetime. Similar people, yes, I suppose, but not Yusuke.

Kuwabara is just as brash as Yusuke, both loving to physically fight. It is a breath of fresh air to be around Kuwabara. A human with that much power may often get a swelled head, but Kuwabara has stayed modest in that regard. It is almost a game to him, trying to push farther and farther along. Still, it surprises me how often he jokes and plays. I always seem to expect his childlike manner to disappear the longer I am around him. More so when I think of all the fights he's had over time and sights he has seen with us. But it is nice to have Kuwabara around to lighten up the mood. I'm glad his sort of humor and personality is still in place after all this time.

Hiei is just as protective as Yusuke, it is why he grudgingly respects Yusuke as well, as I like to think. Yukina and Keiko are tied together in that regard. No matter how much Yukina and Keiko can defend themselves, these two will always protect and do so for them. And then when I look at myself, I feel as though Yusuke surpassed me. However smarter or more years are on me, Yusuke learned one thing before I did. Don't take life and your presence around people for granted.

I still take my life for granted. I planned on dieing for my mother with little second guessing. However, I fear what might have been if Yusuke did not thrust his hand in my way to the after life. How would have mother fared? I did not think of how she would have been affected, besides being cured and alive to continue her happiness with Kazuya.

Even if I do still take my life for granted, a passing thing until I am in the after life, I cannot forget how strongly Yusuke felt about life and people. He truly cares about others. There is no way Yusuke can possibly hide this from others around him. It is infectious, being around him. There are jokes to be played, jerks to take down, hidden feelings to discover, meeting new people...

The after life will always be after this life as a human is finished.

Eternity can wait a little longer.

To take a page from Yusuke's book... Eternity can sit on its engorged ass and wait til I'm good and ready. And I'm not ready to leave. The life and people around me in this human life are much more enjoyable at the moment.


End file.
